It saddens me to think that this woman will never be posing this gleefully next to one of my tour buses.
Today’s New York Times featured an article on Sarah Palin supporters who lined up for hours in 39-degree weather in Michigan and took vacation days just to get a chance to see the ex-Alaskan governor on her current book tour for “Going Rogue.”
Here are some these people’s direct quotes from the article, each one followed by what I believe they had really meant to say:
“It may not be this year, it may not be next year, but we’re going to take our country back,” said Sherry Haner, 54.
Translation: I used to be afraid of skateboarders outside the mall. Now I’m afraid of our black president. If I find out he skateboards I am moving to Canada.
“My goal is to make him a half-term president,” said Chris Schwartz, waiting inside with her daughter and friends, who had pitched tents outside the previous evening to get tickets. “We need to get enough people in Congress to stop him in his tracks. One term is too long.”
Translation: I’m willing to have our government’s legislative branch come to a grinding halt and have no progress made toward our country’s improvement just because the guy I voted for didn’t win.
“He isn’t governing, he’s still campaigning,” said Joe Miller, a lab technician who had taken a vacation day to wait in line Thursday at a Meijer superstore in Fort Wayne. “He’s trying to convince us that he’s doing a good job. He hasn’t done anything, except spend money.”
Translation: I’m a “lab technician” at the Target Photo Center. Also, I’m describing George W. Bush during pretty much all of both his presidential terms. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were free until Obama came into office and gave all of those countries’ oil and natural gas resources away to homosexuals and welfare mothers on crack.
Kevin Witzigreuter, 38, a Fort Wayne firefighter waiting in line next to Mr. Miller, chimed in: “And he can’t even make a simple decision about what to do in Afghanistan. We’ve got men and women fighting overseas. Either man up and fight the war to win it, or get out.”
Translation: I know how easy it is to fight a war. I am super good at Modern Warfare 2. Don’t believe me? Play me on XBox Live. My gamertag is truepatriotcommunistpussycrusher82.
On a table set out to receive gifts for her, someone had left red sweatshirts embroidered: “In God We Trust, and in Sarah, and in De USA.”
Translation: You don’t have to know how to spell definite articles to know that Sarah Palin rockz!
“I was willing to give Barack Obama the benefit of the doubt, but the spending is out of control,” said Gloria Taylor, 54, as she waited in line in Grand Rapids. “It’s going to be our downfall.”
Translation: I’m not an elite so I’ve never really studied the Roman Empire but I’m pretty sure they met their demise after Caesar tried to pass universal health care into law. It had nothing to do with Rome overextending themselves with foolish attempts at military domination of the then known-world.
“You hear snippets,” Ms. Pintar said, “but you don’t know what the big picture is, except the price, and that’s terrifying.”
Translation: Sure, I could do a simple Google search to enable myself to make informed opinions based on facts, but when I go online I’m pretty busy sorting through all of the devotional emails and funny cat pictures that I’m constantly forwarding to friends, relatives and casual acquaintances. Who has the time to actually read the proposed health care bill? That’s Sean Hannity’s job.
“It’s more fun talking politics with people who agree with you,” said Lucy Vigmostad, who was celebrating her 18th birthday by being first in line in Grand Rapids.
Translation: My community college Political Science 101 teacher won’t let me participate in classroom debates anymore after I called Amir a “terrorist camel rapist.” I was just saying what everyone else was thinking. I shouldn’t be silenced for it.
“There’s a lot of talkers out there, that’s what we’re seeing now,” said LeAnn Knudsen, 41, who had waited since 5 a.m. with her daughter, 10. “This hope and change, hope and change, what hope? And if this is change, God help us.”
Translation: I feel letdown. I voted for our current president because I thought all negroes were magical and that I would be rewarded with at least three or four wishes for my efforts. This has not happened. I’ve heard rumors that if Sarah Palin becomes president she’ll be sending every American citizen a coupon redeemable for a year’s supply of moose jerky. That’s good enough for me. Palin in 2012!
If you’re interested in losing all faith for that corner of humanity that calls itself “Grand Rapids, Michigan” you can read the entire article here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/us/politics/22palin.html?_r=1&hp
