Dan Bialek Loves Kittens

Caraoke: Power 106 “Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn” Song

Caraoke: Three Days Grace “I Hate Everything (About You)”

Caraoke: Coldplay “Viva La Vida”

Kelly Slater loses again — has nine-time world champ had enough?

C’mon, LA Times. Kelly Slater is the best surfer to ever have lived on this planet. He has nine world titles. He can do flips and ride switchfoot through 10-foot barrels over razor sharp coral.

But you guys run a picture of him during a contest where he’s bogged down in the lip, off-kilter and kind of just looking like a kook.

If you were trying to go for allegorical imagery that would be one thing. Like the champ is faltering this season and you wanted to make the point more evident with complimentary story art.

However, I doubt this is the case.

The mainstream media always runs photos of surfers going straight, falling or three seconds after they have just done an outrageous maneuver. It’s like some sick joke at this point.

My only guess is that these photos are used because they are the cheapest (probably given away for free) and that newspapers and marketing companies don’t want to shell out the extra cash for a decent (and recent) action shot.

Oh well. Just know that contemporary surfing is a lot less lame than you’d be able to tell from the images on a case of Red Bull, a Coors Light billboard on Sunset Blvd. or the LA Times.

P.S. I’m a grown goddamn man. Why do I care about any of this?

Step 1: Don’t waste your time blogging. Instead produce a CD, DVD or a book like the one pictured above filled with content this is free and readily accessible through a simple Google search.

Step 2: Sell it to stupid people online for $50, $100 or $150 a pop.

Step 3: Get rich overnight.

Why bother generating interesting content or expressing yourself. It’s the internet and I think everyone knows that we’re all here just to get rich. So cash in today!

P.S. The same goes for Twitter! Get a bazillion followers today for only $849! Ask me how!