04.10
Some Angry Open Miker Guy From San Diego’s Hate Emails:
April 8, 2008
Dan, I mean Danielle Bialek…Consider yourself MY BITCH!
I’ll make this brief. I love this business. I love stand up comedy, but it’s not all punch lines, one liners, and a crowd of 200 hundred people laughing at every golden word that comes out of your mouth–F*CK that! This is a business, and it can get dark and seedy. And after my most recent experience with a bloke who goes by the name of Danielle (keep reading), I know full well just how petty and disrespectful people in the business can be. But it’s all good, because I’m not going ANY WHERE. I’m in it and I’m staying in it!! Some dude’s got a beef with me on stage, BRING IT! If some NO-TALENT, Hack weak limp noodle of an emcee/comic wants to take advantage of my being a nice guy, that’s fine: let’s PLAY! Because now, I’m not going to be the nice guy…
Danielle Bialek if you manage to read this, don’t you ever comment on my act after I get off stage. You’re on notice…
Thank you to the Comedy Club that gave me a shot last night, I appreciate it, but not the emcee. He’s a nobody and will always be a nobody. He wants to “bully” the new kid on the block, well, homeboy has another thing coming…
To fans, and peeps I know on myspace, thank you for your support, it does not go unnoticed.
Now, read the blog!
Peace,
[Name Redacted Out Of Pity For The Mentally Handicapped}
Dan Bialek,
This message is meant for the NO-TALENT, Hack, Emcee/Stand Up Comedian who hosted the Open Mic I performed at on April 7, 2008. No one knows who you are yet. You don’t know me, but now I know you. You are a NO TALENT, hack, down-on-his-luck, pathetic open mic emcee in L.A. who has NO BACKBONE. You are not a man, you are not even a woman, you are a BITCH! What more, you are now MY BITCH. Danielle, the occasional emcee at a Comedy Club that will go unnamed, be on notice if you are reading this, you are my–MATT FRANCIS’ BITCH! If I see your puny, weak, lifeless pathetic shell of a body in any comedy club and we both happen to be on that night, make no mistake, I am going to SHRED you on stage. I am going to make you feel the way you will always be: worthless.
See, I tried to be the nice guy. I tried to be professional and courteous to a less-than-talented-LAME ASS emcee. I tried to extend my hand and offer it as a gesture of professional courtesy–man-to-man, but that is not how this weakling rolls, so now we’ve got beef. You want to be cute and not accept my handshake? Yet, you’re willing to do lines of coke off a transvestites ass backstage? Yet your willing to accept the hand shake of some homeless dude who wants three minutes of stage time at an open mic, kiss his hairy ass, but you don’t want to accept my hand shake? Pal, you tried to punk the wrong stand up comedian, it’s on Danielle, it’s on my BITCH!
See, you can tell a lot from a man’s handshake. If he has a firm grip, he’s going to be a man of integrity and has a backbone. If he has a limp, weak handshake, he is more-than-likely a weak soul who will bend and sway in the face of adversity. But what if he DOESN’T HAVE A HANDSHAKE? Well, than he is not a MAN. Danielle, you are not a man, and moreover you are not, nor will you ever be a good comic.
Again, I hope to see you at the comedy clubs sometime in the near future, because I am going to tear you up on stage. I know you want me to make this physical, and as much as I would love to kick your ass, oh and believe me there is no doubt on this end that something like that is pretty easy for me to do, this is staying on stage, my mind and words are all the fire power that I need. Danielle, you’ve been warned you little bitch, you’re MY BITCH…
Sincerely,
[Name Redacted Out Of Pity For The Mentally Handicapped}
My Response To Some Angry Open Miker Guy From San Diego’s Hate Emails:
Dear Angry San Diego Comedian Guy,
Wow, you’re really upset.
Here’s the deal. You came down to the Comedy Store, weaseled your way onto stage by calling and bothering the club’s talent coordinator instead of signing up for the open mic lottery and waiting your turn like all the other aspiring comics.
Then you went on stage and bombed and at the end of your set as your ran the light (i.e. went over your allotted time) you proceeded to tell the audience to go to your comedy website.
I came up on stage and as the emcee thanked you and then commented that you didn’t get to have a comedy website yet until you learned how to do comedy.
You smiled, laughed and left.
Then you called the comedy club on your way back home to San Diego and complained to the club’s talent coordinator about me for 15 minutes. I was standing right next to him for most of it. You made threats against me, said that you could really have me messed up because you were “ex-law enforcement,” etc., etc.
I didn’t know being a crybaby and tattletale were part of being a man.
Also, I didn’t know that grown men in their 30′s called each other girly names and “bitch” so much when they were angry. So, in some respects your blog entries were very enlightening.
Speaking of being enlightened. My advice would be to lighten up a little bit.
It’s standup comedy, not being the manager of an Applebee’s. You don’t have to be professional all of the time.
And it’s also not a sandbox so you don’t have to wet your diaper and throw a crap fit when somebody ribs you a little bit from stage.
Anyway, your two blogs were all crazy and angry and silly so I just kind of skimmed through them.
However, if you’d ever like to have a comedy contest or debate on stage I’m all for it. Watch some of my YouTube videos. I think you’ll see that I’m pretty adept at making angry and/or stupid people look pretty ridiculous from stage.
Anyway, best of luck. Hope to see you in person soon so you can at least yell me things in my face so you can get a little closure on the whole issue.
Again, it’s comedy so just remember that great line from Stripes.
“Easy, Francis.”
Have fun and good luck.
–dan
P.S. I’ll also be emailing you my cell phone number. I’m currently on tour in the midwest but I’d be more than happy to chat with you about comedy, your feelings, etc.